Worry and Trust

I’ve always considered myself as a trusting person, especially when it comes to trusting to God the things that should belong to Him.  In my world, that has largely revolved around the things I have no control over.  My career I can control.  I can do better, learn more, quit, promote myself and so on and so forth.  Surgery tomorrow, I have absolutely no control over.  So I have, in my mind, “turned it over to God.”

The last couple of weeks, I’ve had to think about what that really means.  I’ve been having headaches and tiredness, likely as a result of grinding my teeth subconsciously.  When I think about it actively, I can tell myself that I’m not worried about brain surgery because I trust God.  The symptoms suggest otherwise.  If I’m doing all of this subconsciously, am I really trusting?

I’ve heard two answers to this question (but the generic version of this question, not specifically about brain surgery) both ways.  One answer is that I don’t have a lot of control over my subconscious (otherwise it wouldn’t be my subconscious) so I shouldn’t be held responsible for that particular lack of trust.  I’ve also heard the alternative that I should give it over so completely to God that even my subconscious is at peace.

Thinking about it logically, the second answer seems impossible… if I can’t control my subconscious, how can I turn it over to anyone?  I don’t have an answer to that.  Likely, in a little over 24 hours, I won’t really care because it’ll all be over, but it IS something to think about.

I like it it a bit to when folks worry that thoughts are sinful as opposed to actions.  In some cases, we know that “everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  Well, #dangit, we all just sinned.  So, I guess I don’t trust as well as I should.  However, when people walk in a room, I look at them.  Women, men, pretty, ugly… I’m a people-watcher.  I don’t expect I’ll get in hot water over it, so there is still some leeway, I hope.

Without running on and on, and I’ve probably passed that point already… I expect that this is another thing that I’ll just have to say I’ve done what I think is the best so the rest is up to Him.

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