The last couple of weeks, I’ve had to think about what that really means. I’ve been having headaches and tiredness, likely as a result of grinding my teeth subconsciously. When I think about it actively, I can tell myself that I’m not worried about brain surgery because I trust God. The symptoms suggest otherwise. If I’m doing all of this subconsciously, am I really trusting?
I’ve heard two answers to this question (but the generic version of this question, not specifically about brain surgery) both ways. One answer is that I don’t have a lot of control over my subconscious (otherwise it wouldn’t be my subconscious) so I shouldn’t be held responsible for that particular lack of trust. I’ve also heard the alternative that I should give it over so completely to God that even my subconscious is at peace.
Thinking about it logically, the second answer seems impossible… if I can’t control my subconscious, how can I turn it over to anyone? I don’t have an answer to that. Likely, in a little over 24 hours, I won’t really care because it’ll all be over, but it IS something to think about.
I like it it a bit to when folks worry that thoughts are sinful as opposed to actions. In some cases, we know that “everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Well, #dangit, we all just sinned. So, I guess I don’t trust as well as I should. However, when people walk in a room, I look at them. Women, men, pretty, ugly… I’m a people-watcher. I don’t expect I’ll get in hot water over it, so there is still some leeway, I hope.
Without running on and on, and I’ve probably passed that point already… I expect that this is another thing that I’ll just have to say I’ve done what I think is the best so the rest is up to Him.