It’s surprising how easy and impossibly difficult life can be at times. All things considered, I think the things that most people make out to be terribly scary to do are the easiest, while the little things sometimes come down to being the most stressful of all.
Day to day dinner freaks me out. I’ll eat anything, so that’s not the problem. What is? Well, I suspect I know what the problem is. I don’t like to make people upset with me. I want to help make people’s lives easier, and in this case, if I pick the wrong thing for Piper and Ashley, they’re going to be upset with me. Maybe. I have chronic “whatever you would call that”edness. It’s actually fairly debilitating. Probably linked to my shyness which I started to get over a little bit ever since going to Governor’s School for the Arts, but sometimes I feel myself slipping back into it because it’s comfortable/easy. Awkward silences are quickly becoming my forte again.
I probably just need to get over it, and that’s the easy solution to tell myself: I’ll get over it later, or it’s not that big a deal. Dealing with it is scary, though, because I know it means that I have to actually DO the thing I’m scared to do. I make a big deal about spiders being the only thing I’m scared of and while I don’t want anything to do with those nasty, nasty, crawly, gives-me-the-willies bugs, I’d much rather take them versus having attention drawn to me.
You all are psychiatrists, right? What do you do? I can’t imagine everyone in their underwear because, frankly, I don’t want to see everyone in their underwear. I suppose they say to take it one step at a time… now to figure out which steps to take…